If I had to describe my life in one word these days it would be ‘worn.’ I am sure that many could relate to that tiny little word that is so unrelenting. I never seem to get ahead. I never seem to have the time to just be still. And good lord I love them, but my children. That is all.
Yesterday was one of those days that just wouldn’t quit. There were appointments stacked on top of appointments. Requests upon requests. Needs to be met. Chores to be done. There were moments I felt like I had forgotten to breathe.
And there’s not any of it I would want to change. It’s just life. My messy abundant life.
Sometimes though it gets to me. Sometimes I start to feel…worn.
And then it begins to creep up. That stupid selfish part of me that wonders where the Publisher’s Clearing House prize van is with my ticket to paradise. Why can’t I be driven to all the activities I love to do? Why is my calendar FULL of everyone else’s junk?
So there I am, crawling into bed way after my bedtime feeling more tired than usual and I realize I have gone all day without checking in with the One who made me. Exhausted to near tears I began to silently pray over my day. But all I could do was beg for rest.
“Lord, please let this night be restful. I’m so tired I don’t even think I have the energy to sleep…”
You ever have a moment when you are so needy and you begin to feel guilty about it? I began to apologize.
“Lord, I’m sorry that all I have done lately when I pray is beg for rest. I am just so needy right now, Lord, and I hate it. I feel like all I am doing these days, Lord, is asking you to sustain me. All I have for You are requests for healing. Requests for rest. Requests to just make it one more day.”
And dad gummit if I didn’t feel Him smile down on me, wrap me up and hold me while He whispered,
“That’s exactly where you need to be. Relying on Me for your every breath.”
I shed a silent tear in the comfort of His grip on me and fell asleep.
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