I love days when I don’t feel alone in this great big beautiful world. Because a lot of days, I do. I feel alone in my beliefs. I feel alone in my struggles. I feel alone as a mom, wife, daughter. It’s hard for me to grasp the big picture. And maybe I’m not really supposed to. But I want to. I want to be able to know how all the stitches come together in the quilt of life. I tend to try and get ahead of myself and ahead of what God is trying to do through me. Sometimes I get so anxious to see the masterpiece that I forget to sit and watch the Master. It’s at these times that I begin to feel lost, frustrated and confused. Isolated. Isolation is a desperate place and that is not what was planned for us. We are designed socially, for fellowship and friendship. We are designed to love and be loved. We need to be needed. We want to be wanted.
Sometimes I just don’t feel wanted. There have been times in my life where I felt like I was so scarred and ugly that no one would want me. I’ve felt like no one could look at me and truly want to be with me. My soul would ache for true acceptance and a connection with anything that made me feel worthy of breathing. And I’ve heard it before, “Jesus loves you! No matter what!”
But until He tells you Himself, you have a hard time believing it.
I was reading in my Bible this morning and a common passage came alive. I love it when that happens! I love how the Word comes alive sometimes for me right before my eyes!
John 17:24 Father, I want these whom you have given me to be with me where I am. Then they can see all the glory you gave me because you loved me even before the world began.
Jesus is asking to be with me! He wants me! I am wanted.
You are wanted.
My close friends know that it would be torture for me to go a day without music. It’s always on at work, at home, and I have no problems singing in the car. If music isn’t turned on from the radio, it’s on in my head. It just reaches my soul like nothing else can. So today when I got a new CD to add to my already extensive library I immediately opened it up and popped it in the player. (No comments about how this is already old-fashioned). I was in the car with my girls listening when again the Spirit whispered to me through the lyrics;
“He calls me ‘chosen,’ ‘free,’ ‘forgiven,’ …’wanted.’”
Those words settled on my heart and nestled their way inside. I didn’t even know I needed to hear it today. And that is what I love about my heavenly Daddy. He knew. He knows everything about me. Every single screw up. Every single thought. Every single urge to wander. And He still wants me.
This truth leaves me with nothing more I can say. When I can’t speak, I can sing. So check out this song that spoke directly to me today!