Peace {How I Found It With A Wish}

I lost an eyelash this morning.  Not really a big deal. But I lost an eyelash this morning and it taught me a huge lesson on what really matters.

My husband and I have been pretty diligent about staying out of debt for the last 7 years.  We worked really hard to pay off student and car loans and credit cards.  It took us a good while to get there, but when we did it was very liberating  and we were able to begin saving for emergencies.

We’ve had our share of car breakdowns, vet bills, and home repairs.  Anyone living in the free world experiences these things. But God always provides. Always.

This year though we’ve had a rough go. Our entire air conditioning unit needed to be replaced earlier this Summer giving us a huge $6,000 hit to our emergency fund. We reluctantly paid it but we were thankful not to go into debt and to have cool air. Southern summers are brutal, y’all. (Oh, how I love them!)

We slowly began to rebuild our emergency fund from it’s crippling blow, but life seems to want to beat us up a bit more. Both girls needed braces at the same time. The same. Time!

My oldest started high school along with musical theater and choir and dance and fees, fees, fees!

My husband needs to have surgery within the next few months. If you’ve been living in America the last several years, no doubt you are aware that even if you have insurance your medical bills are nothing short of ridiculous. I could go on since this is my blog and I can.  But I won’t.

Also, because of the extreme drought in the Southeast, my house is slowly settling it’s way into the ground and beginning to crumble around my ears. Just say the words “Foundation Repair” and you see dollar signs flash before your eyes. Go ahead. Say them. Right? Dollar signs!

Last weekend both of our cars, BOTH of our cars died on the same day.  One is still sitting dead in my driveway.

It’s all a bit overwhelming.

So, we pray. And we plan. And we pick up the things that God has put in our path and try to count it all joy.

We look for ways and anticipate how He will provide for us. We give it all over to the one who gave us our home, our kids and our health in the first place and let Him manage it all.

That’s where you find peace.  And you know you have it when you have moments like when you lose an eyelash.

You know you’re supposed to make a wish when you lose one, right? You make a wish and as with your birthday candles you blow it away.

Well, I don’t believe in wishes.  I believe in prayer.

So this morning when I lost my eyelash, as I often do, I paused to think about what I should pray for. I was in front of my mirror so I just looked at my reflection and smiled.

Hmmm… Should I pray away my trials? Should I pray for money to fall from the sky?

But I truly didn’t feel like I should waste my ‘wish’ on those material things.

So, I dug around deep inside my soul to find my purest desire. I drew in my breath and prayed.

“I pray for my children to grow up to know Christ.”

I surprised myself, honestly. It was in that moment when I realized I don’t really need money. Or health. Or even a house.

I need the assurance of spending an eternity with the ones I love the most.  I need to know that when they grow up and have trials of their own they will know they should lean on Christ the way my husband and I have tried to these last few months. I need to know that they are taken care of even in those times when I fail to do so.

Only the saving knowledge of Christ can provide any of that. Along with the peace He so lovingly provides during life’s most difficult trials. And all we have to do to get that peace is pray, trust and wait for Him to send the provisions He has already promised.

 

How has God provided for you during your difficult times? What did you learn from it?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

 

 

 

 

 

Continue Reading

The Irrational Dilemma of Being Stuck

 

When I was about 10 years old I went to the mall with my family. I remember being on the 2nd floor and stopping to peer over the railing down to the main courtyard with my dad. We were waiting for my mom to finish shopping. As I watched the people bustle below me, I pressed my knee between two of the retaining bars as many children often do and I left it there. It was then that my mom came out of the store. But when I tried to pull my knee out from between the bars it wouldn’t budge.

I was stuck.

In my 10-year-old mind I panicked. I frantically started pulling and tugging and twisting around trying anything to get my leg free from its unexpected prison.  When I couldn’t free myself my thoughts escalated into irrational scenarios.  Surely the fire department would need to be called in. Mall managers would yell at this little kid for making such a mess and ban my family forever. And my parents surely would refuse me my allowance for causing them to have to pay for the damage.

My face began to get hot from the embarrassment. There seemed to be thousands of  people walking by. I had no doubt they were thinking that I was so fat and stupid. How else could someone get their leg stuck?  I could already hear the kids at school calling me names when they got a hold of the headline, “Girl Gets Her Fat Knee Stuck at The Mall. Emergency Amputation Performed on Sight.”

Tears started to burn my eyes when my Daddy placed his hands on my shoulders from behind me and calmed me down. He said, “Stop moving. You’re just going to hurt yourself. Extend your leg gently and try to pull it out.”

I argued with him a little bit and told him that it was going to be stuck there forever. There was no way that doing what he suggested was going to work.

“Trust me,” he said calmly.  My daddy was always so calm even in the midst of his daughter suddenly facing leg amputation. Such a good quality. Wish I had more of that.

I did what he said and lo and behold, my knee came out with ease!  It was a little sore, but I was so thankful that the news crew hadn’t arrived yet that I didn’t care.

I looked around expecting a crowd to have gathered behind me to jeer and mock me while I was stuck there feeling so vulnerable.  To my surprise there wasn’t a single person pointing fingers. There wasn’t anyone there making fun of me. But there also wasn’t anyone there feeling sorry for me either. Despite all the lavish delusions that went on in my head, the whole episode had gone unnoticed by everyone except my Father.

Do You Ever Feel Stuck?

I haven’t learned my lesson very well.  My knee isn’t trapped between bars at the mall, but I still feel stuck sometimes. Things I think should have happened by now haven’t.  Things I think I should have overcome by now just seem to keep nagging at me.

It’s easier to let our minds race with damaging and irrational thoughts and let panic overtake us. allowing that leads us to believe we will never get unstuck. All the tugging and twisting trying to free ourselves from unexpected stuck-ness only causes us to hurt ourselves more and remain stuck. And that is exactly what the enemy wants.  You can’t do much to advance the Kingdom if you’re stuck.

Maybe you’ve been stuck deep in debt and you feel like you just might drown.  Or maybe you’ve lost a close relationship you thought you’d have forever and you’re stuck in the hurt and grief. Maybe life happened before you could finish your degree and you are feeling underpaid and underappreciated. It could be that you are stuck in sin or an addiction and you just can’t seem to find your way out.

Are you hurting yourself more by tugging and twisting trying to figure things out on your own? Are you making the situation worse than it actually is by listening to the voices in your head? Or are you being still and listening to the direction of your Father to help you out of your sticky situation?

So How Do I Get Unstuck?

Here’s what I have learned in my years on this planet. Life is sticky. It’s not always easy to wipe away the messes that catch us off guard. In the moment it seems like the pulling and the tugging are the right things to do. But that only hurts us more in the end. If we could just learn to Be Still and listen for our heavenly Father’s instruction on how to get unstuck, we would save ourselves so much heartache.

Ask for a way out. There is no debt, no loss, no sorrow, fear or injury that can leave you stuck forever if you seek His glory through the pain. Even when things seem impossible to overcome your Heavenly Father is waiting there to help you find your way out.

Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

Asking for help is easier if you know the person you are asking.  Be still and know… We can’t get to know anyone if we’re constantly on the move. It used to be so hard for me to be still and I am a work in progress with that one. Being still doesn’t mean sitting in a quiet room and not doing anything.  It’s sitting at His feet and seeking His face. It’s wanting the Truth more than anything else and finding peace within that. Being still is bathing in the Word and soaking up what God speaks to you through it. And then trust Him! Get to know your God through prayer and ask Him to reveal ways to become unstuck while you are being still and He may astonish  you!

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:33

For more on how to get unstuck through reading your Bible, click on the Bible verses above or click here.

Continue Reading

When You Miss Out

13423865_10208524240915915_8122836315628618338_n
Photo Credits: Denise Gibbs

I missed the rainbow.  While all of my friends seemed to catch it’s glory, I missed it. I was busy working at my computer before the storm, and I turned it off to avoid a power surge as it approached. When the worst of it blew over, I kissed my daughter on her head and told her she could again find me back at my computer, working. Avoiding the blessing.

Apparently it was a blessing seen for miles and miles. Vivid in splendor. Spanning the rain-drenched skies with it’s reminder of God’s promises.  All of the Facebook posts of it’s beauty were envy provoking. Taunting like a school-yard game.

I missed the rainbow.

The sky outside seemed perfect for one.  Through my open blinds I even said to myself, “I’ll bet there’s a rainbow somewhere right now.” But I chose to keep on working.  I chose to keep my head down and ignore the reminder that God is awe inspiring and the producer of all beautiful things.  I chose to remove myself from the pleasures of the promise. A promise that God is always good and faithful, even through the storm.

It makes me wonder how many other times I have done that.  How many other times have I ignored God’s prompting for Him to show me something glorious and I chose to remain in the mundane? All I needed to do was go outside my little box of a house.  All I needed to do was stretch my legs a little and I would have been left speechless by my Creator.

My heart aches to think of the times I have ignored Him when all He wanted to do was bless me.

Oh, how I pray to always be aware of You, Lord! May Your glory span the heavens and reach down to touch me on the shoulder and whisper in my ear;

“Child, come and see the beauty that I have in store for you today!”

And may I never again miss the rainbow.

Continue Reading

Seasons: Trusting The Process

“Is it just me or does Summer seem like it’s taking forever to get here?”  I said this aloud to myself as if I actually expected an answer.

I love Summer! I love the long days. The heat. And the sound of children laughing as they play outside. I love bare feet. Swimming. I love popscicles and sticky fingers. Ice cold glasses of lemonade. Ahhh.

I love eating outside every night and the fragrance of the grill. And lazy afternoons reading on the porch. I love the magic of lightening bugs and the cadence of cicadas screaming through the trees. I even love how down here in the South the air is so heavy sometimes it feels like a cloak. I know I am in the minority with that one.

Living in Alabama most of my life I’ve been spoiled. My favorite season always seems to last the longest of them all, usually showing up the end of March and fighting to hold on till the very end of September. The heat is always the first to show up and always the last to go. But this year, it seems as though it’s been cooler longer than normal. I’m still hanging on to my sweatshirt.

So when I asked myself that question I didn’t really expect an answer. But, I should know that I am never alone and Jesus can whisper at anytime.

“Why do you always do that? Wish your seasons away? Why don’t you ever stop and enjoy the season you are in right now?”

Ok, so those were more questions than they were an answer.

I didn’t have an answer for Him at all. I just shrugged and pulled my blanket up higher around my shoulders.

Seasons2

I don’t know why I always seem to rush away the spaces I’m in. I have yet to figure out why I am always in such a hurry for my girls to grow up so they can move out of the house, or so I don’t have to keep shuttling them from all their activities or friends houses. And yet, the sight of their beauty as they emerge into women makes me weep. I’m clinging to the last days of elementary school with white knuckles while wishing my eleven -year-old would just grow up and be responsible already!

I’m a paradox.

So I sat there with my blankie around my shoulders and thought of the seasons in my life. So many of them I wouldn’t want to come back around, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

There was the season of job loss and a brand new baby. Young-married and broke. I was far from my family and desperately lonely. But it was in that season that I turned back to Jesus and leaned on Him for the first time in years.

There was the season of a lost relationship that I cried over and suffered the heartbreak of realizing that someone I loved with all my heart would never be a part of my life. But in my weakness I found His strength to move on and find lasting godly relationships that push me and don’t hold me back.

There was the season of financial struggle from personal injury. It was so hard to be patient and wait for healing and redemption. But I found it in that season. I also found joy in how creative He is with his provision for my family.

Each one of the seasons in my life I didn’t like always turned over into something better. Something I could never have imagine for myself or my family. It was during each one of those seasons that He was refining me and all for His glory and for my benefit.

Winter must happen in order for me to appreciate Summer.

Right now I feel like I am in a season of growth through obedience. There are things I want in my life that God doesn’t seem to think is right for me. I am trying to learn to let go of those things to make room for what God has in store for me. I feel out of my comfort zone a lot these days. And I’m learning that it’s not about what I want at all. It’s all about living out His purpose for my life. And even at nearly 40 I am still unsure what that is.

I can’t see the end of the season I am in right now. And I find myself wishing it away like I do a chilly evening. I have to trust through obedience that He’s got something even better for me as this season changes. I have to trust that the stuff I think is a pain to deal with is just preparing my path to a sweet Summer day filled with laughter and joy.

Because it is.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Continue Reading

The Things Jesus Doesn’t Know About Me

RepentenceLately I’ve been wrestling with a question that I felt was pretty stupid. I often don’t ask questions like that except to my husband who is always so gracious with my naive spirit.  But even this one I kept close to my wandering heart. I just felt awkward even having the thought. Finally, one night this week I had to try to quiet the rattling in my brain,

“If Jesus was perfect and never sinned, how can he relate to me, a sinner, struggling with repentance?”

In other words, how is it possible that he understands why I do the things I do when I don’t want to do them? (Romans 7:15) How does He have any clue what it’s like to be entangled in sin and not want to be there?

How can He understand my gossip? My lies? My deceit? Insecurities? Doubt? How does He know what it’s like to wrestle thoughts I shouldn’t have or desires that don’t line up with His? I know I shouldn’t. I don’t want to do any of those things. My true desire is to become as Christ-like as I can. But I am human. And so was He. But He is also God.

I can’t compete with that!

Yes, Jesus was tempted with the same things that tempts me and you. Yes, He has felt the sting of betrayal and loss. He took on my sins to save me. But how can He understand remorse? How can He understand true sorrow over things done and left undone?

How can my savior fully understand repentance when He never had to go through it Himself? Wasn’t that the point of Him being sent here to Earth? So that He could understand my every heartbreak?

The conversation with my husband didn’t help me at all. (Sorry, babe!) He didn’t have an answer to soothe my worn out soul. In fact I became a little angry with the idea and started to feel alone in picking up my cross daily. I didn’t want to do it anymore. Pride began to creep in and I started entertaining thoughts of how much easier it seemed to do things my way.

That’s a dangerous place to be. And when you find yourself in a battle like that the best and only solution is to drop everything and sit quietly at the feet of Jesus. Oh, how I can’t wait to be able to do that for all eternity!

Because He does know exactly what I’m feeling. He’s God after all! Omniscient God! He knows every last emotion and thought. He knows my struggles and my pain. He catches every single tear and patches up the rips in my heart. The heart He made and gave to me. The heart He dwells within and calls His own.

It’s when I’m remorseful and sorrowful for the things I’ve done that He ushers up beside me, sits quietly, and lets me weep. He lets me pour out my heart without hesitations and He doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t need to. He knows.

And when I am too weak to pick up my cross, He carries it for me.

 

 

Continue Reading

One Word Three Ways

3203975035_28b1119bbb_qPlanning is not something I enjoy. I do it because life pretty much requires it to some degree, but I pretty much just go through my days and take them as they come. And I pray my family survives it all. Sure, I schedule things and have a routine. I plan my meals out a week at a time. (And when I remember to take the meat out of the freezer that plan works better). I plan events and hope for the best. But life in general? I’m pretty spontaneous. I do weekends based on my mood. I do just about anything based on my mood. Maybe that’s the preschooler living inside my head.

I turn 40 this year. I’m getting pretty darn close to the halfway point of this earthly life of mine. My children also are not getting any younger. My oldest starts high school this year! (Eek!) So, I’ve really been thinking that I don’t want my days to just slip away and leave me holding her cap and gown in 4 years wondering where they went. Anxiety has begun to creep in.

Then I read somewhere on my favorite news outlet, Facebook, about claiming one word for the new year. Instead of a resolution that, let’s face it, will never be resolved, people are claiming a one word theme for the new year to transform their lives. One word? That doesn’t seem too overwhelming. Doesn’t sound like I will have to do much planning around that. I like it! Sign me up!

However, I feel like the word churning around in my brain is just a fancy word for planning. What do you think?

Intentional

That’s the word I can’t put down. Not love (my personal favorite and would be so easy). Not shopping (a close second), or writing, or rest. Nothing that sounds all that fun to work through. Intentional. It’s so broad and narrows things down perfectly at the same time.

Intentional with how I share my love.

Love is a decision we make, after all. There are too many people in this world to truly be able to love them and love them well. I tend to think it’s my resposibility to love ALL my neighbors as myself. But that is humanly impossible. And that is pretty much what I am. Impossibly human. So, I need to be intentional with the love I share. God has intentionally placed certain people in my life. My response should be to intentionally love them. This should begin with my husband and children and echo out to my closest family and friends. Intentionally loving those closest to me will allow more energy to love those neighbors too. However, I am still at a bit of a loss as to how I will accomplish this. Does it look like time? Acts of service? I’ll be working on this and get back to you. It is just the first week of the new year after all!

Intentional with my money.

I shared a couple of posts ago in Why I’m Sitting In God’s Time-Out Chair that I kinda got a little too relaxed with my family’s resources. I was selfish for several months and didn’t tithe and used the money for worthless things. I truly believe the lack of financial peace I experienced during those months was due to being disciplined. So this year I will be intentional with my family budget and our tithe. That is all. I expect God to handle the rest!

Intentional with my blog.

I am still not sure where this will go, but I feel God is telling me to rev up for a wild year in 2016 when it comes to this blog. I feel he is asking me to spend more time writing and being intentional with what I share with you. I am not guaranteeing that things will always make sense around here. But often what God asks us to do doesn’t make sense at all.

 

Tell me what you think! What is one word you could use to make 2016 better than ever?

How can I be intentional with loving my loved ones? How do you do it?

Have intenional money ideas?

What would you like to see at TrueBEDtimestories this year?

Let me know by leaving a comment below!

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Continue Reading

Winter Stillness

tree

I struggle so much, especially this time of year, with having too much to do and so many places to be. I tend to think that the more I do the more God will be pleased. I feel like the more I accomplish the bigger the smiles across His holy face. Who wouldn’t like the thought of making God smile?

But the truth is that God doesn’t need me to do ANYTHING. He’s God after all. If He really needs anything He can certainly make it happen without me. I should be humbled that He even chooses to use me at all. What He really wants from me is to acknowledge who He is.

Be still and know that I am God; psalm 46:10

Did you know that isn’t the entire verse? There’s so much more!

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

Can we just be still and know? If we could just be still! It doesn’t matter if you get all the presents wrapped. It doesn’t matter if you forget a side dish or skip one of the 5 Christmas parties you were invited to. Just be still and know that God’s got this whole season wrapped up in a bow. And He will be exalted!! He’s not asking us to run around doing one more thing. He’s asking us to be still and acknowledge who He is. He wants us to know what He has done for us through a tiny little baby wrapped snuggly in a manger. Can we acknowledge that miracle? Can we be still long enough to marvel at the extent of His love. He left heaven to be with us! He left heaven to die for us! I don’t know about you but there is no one in this world that I would give up heaven for! But that is the kind of God we serve. Loving and almighty.

And all He is asking is for us to be still and acknowledge it.

Continue Reading

When Victims Are The Guilty Ones

ThanksgivingI am so ungrateful.

There. I said it. I’ve been thinking it for quite a while now. I felt it quietly creeping in like a disease and if left untreated it could be fatal. I’m glad I finally said something. I’d hate to be sitting at the Thanksgiving dinner table and suddenly be unable to breathe.

But I just can’t pretend anymore. I can’t pretend that I don’t take my life and everything in it for granted.  I have a comfortable home, but I often wish it were bigger. I have a closet full of clothes for every season, but I can’t ever find what I want to wear. I have a husband who, quite frankly, worships the ground I walk on and I push him away much too often. My children are healthy and happy, but I tend to think they interfere with my daily agenda.

I wish I knew where this disease started. At least then I would have a battle plan to treat it. It probably started the day I allowed myself to believe I was a victim and forgot that I was actually guilty.

I am guilty of forgetting that everything in my life is a gift. Nothing was earned.

I am guilty of wishing my life were better, as if somehow more money, time, or people could be as fulfilling as God’s grace.

I am guilty of allowing others’ opinions to shape my decisions. I let a world view distort God’s plans for me.

Worst of all I am guilty of thinking that anything is about me at all. Which it’s not. Everything I do should be for God’s glory and never for my own.

The moment I believed that I could do anything or be anything without Christ was the moment I put myself on the cross and pretended that my daily struggles were anything close to His suffering. The moment I decided that my plan was better was the very moment my gratitude for anything was worthless.

I am so ungrateful. I’m glad I said it. I feel like I am healing from my disease already.

Thank you, Lord, for my life and everything in it.

 

 

Continue Reading

I Haven’t Lost Yet

I write about my teenager a lot. I can’t help it.  She gives me a lot of material. I know I am still new in the teen parent club, but I kinda like it here. Sure, we have our moments that I would rather not broadcast. I’d be lying if I said it was easy. But I didn’t say that. I said I liked it. Most days. My kid is fun to be around, witty and smart. I think she’s fantastic, but what she did the other night had me running the gamut of my emotions. And she doesn’t even know it. Oblivious teen.

Like many teenagers my kid has a busy schedule. She’s got rehearsals and school meetings and sleepovers. The nights we are all home together are becoming less commonplace. I keep thinking that if I just didn’t let her follow her dreams that I could keep her home with me. But that probably isn’t the best way to earn the coveted Mother of the Year award. And I really do want that award. So I let her do what she loves which means she has to be in a million places all at the same time. And of course I am the chosen mode of transportation. I may as well paint Harvey yellow.

This is the third year she auditioned and made it into the All-City Choral festival and the 3rd year I have made sure she was in the right place at the right time for rehearsals. But this year was a little different because, well, she’s a teenager now. That means she was in the choir with other teenagers. Teenagers stay out later than people who are not teenagers. And their rehearsals start later. And even though she had been through this twice before, she was unsure of where to go and what to do. Things are different when you are a teenager.

I could feel the little girl I once knew emerge from my teenager’s body as we pulled up into the busy rain-drenched parking lot. And because I am a front runner for the Mother of the Year award I said, “Do you want me to walk you in or do you want to go in by yourself?” Giving your teenagers choices is always a good idea. Makes them feel like they are in control. Well, at least for things like this.

She hesitated, peered out the window and said, “Uh. I don’t know. I am not sure where I am supposed to go.”

I could tell she was teetering between teenager and one who is not a teenager. I seized the fleeting moment.

“I have no problems going in with you,” I told her. Holding your hand as we cross the street. Making you look both ways. I began singing in my head the song I made up for her when she was a baby and we’d rock and rock for hours. I was so thankful that she still needed me. I was just about to park the car when she changed the game.

“Oh, wait! There’s Lizzy! Nevermind. I can go in with her!” And like lightening she bolted out of the car and ran to meet her friend.

Like a little lost puppy I was left with nothing but an empty car and the lonely sound of my wiper blades skidding across my windshield. I was left. With barely so much as a good-bye. Left and replaced by one of her friends.

I sighed. And then I remembered the whole idea behind this whole Mother thing. Train her up so she can go. I get it. I get it.

I. Get. It!

But when something is as beautiful as your child it’s so hard to understand that you raise them just so they will leave. It’s hard to feel un-needed. Left.

On the drive home I tried to process what just happened. It seemed as though all of a sudden I had been replaced by her friends. She felt so far away already and she still has 4 1/2 years till college. But who’s counting? I felt like a taxi driver and nothing more.

When it came time to pick her up I had come to terms with my new role and tried to remember that her confidence is just the by-product of doing my job. So when she came to the car I was fully prepared for the typical answer to the question, “So, how’d it go?” But she surprised me when the first thing out of her mouth was something you can only tell your mother.  I can’t breech her trust and tell you what she said because I’ve already cleared a spot on my shelf for my Mother of the Year trophy. But I can tell you that she wiped away all my doubts and my feelings of abandonment when she said;

“And that’s something I can only tell my mother.”

That’s me. Her one and only irreplaceable mother.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Continue Reading

Hold Loosely

holding handsThe ticket line reached out into the parking lot when we pulled up to the stadium. We had arrived a few minutes late to the middle school football game because well, life with kids. I wasn’t invited to this particular event with my 13-year-old, but I didn’t really mind. I had 4 subjects of homework to tackle with my 5th grader waiting for me at home. Some days I wish that whole cloning humans thing would have worked out. Still, I’m a mom and the thought of leaving my kid anywhere without me will always be slightly unsettling.

Eying the line I said, “Do you want me to come with you to buy your ticket?”

I didn’t notice if she actually rolled her eyes because my focus was on the mob of people planning to kidnap her as soon as I drove off. “No, mom. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? That line is awful long and you’ve never done this before.”

“Mom, I was here last week with dad. I know what I’m doing.”

“Well, where are all of your friends? Do you know where to go? Which side are you supposed to go to?”

“Mom! There’s the band. My friends are in the band. I know where to go. I’ll be fine.”

I sized up the dude at the end of the line and made sure I could recognize him in a line up if I needed to.

I sighed. “Ok. If you are comfortable and know what you are doing then go on. But leave your phone volume turned all the way up so you can hear it if I call you. And if you don’t respond you will lose your phone for a week!”

She bantered a bit with me about what if she couldn’t hear the phone over the band and it was then that I realized that my little girl will always be mine. Even if she’s spreading her wings a little more strongly and more quickly than I wish, she’s my gift. And God would never want me to hide what He has given me.

I watched her get out of the car and approach the ticket booth with a confidence I never had at 13. She took her ticket and slipped through the gate to enjoy an afternoon of making memories with her friends. I have my own teenage memories at that very same stadium. I cherish those. I’d be a fool to deprive her of those same pastimes.

Still, my heart was a little heavy as I grieved another piece of her childhood fading away and allowing for her maturity to take over. I fought the urge to call my friends who were staying at the game and ask them to keep an eye on her. I fought back the senseless worry of something dreadful  happening to her while she was there. I pushed away thoughts of random accidents happening to me on my way home causing her to grow up motherless. I didn’t say it was rational. I said it was senseless and random. Moms get it.

As I pulled out of the parking lot I heard the always rational, always there Creator of the universe. Creator of my daughter. And He gently whispered and reminded me that she didn’t belong to me first anyway. She’s on loan. And if I hold on too tightly to her she’ll never fly. She’ll never finish the work that He specifically created her to complete. And that no matter what happens to her whether it’s at an afternoon ball game with her friends, or in the safety of her own home, He’s got her right in the palm of His hand.

I thanked Him for that truth, turned up the music and carelessly drove the rest of the way home to finish math homework.

 

 

 

Continue Reading